Been thinking and thinking about blogging for a year or two. It just seemed like life got in the way of making it happen. After reading Rachel Hollis book Girl, Wash Your Face, she stated,If you want something bad enough you’ll either make it happen or you’ll make an excuse.

If you want something bad enough you’ll either make it happen or you’ll make an excuse.

-Rachel Hollis, Girl, Wash Your Face

Here’s to keeping personal commitments…

Well, I’ve lived my fair share of excuses. And after what seemed like an impossible year, where everything seemed to fall apart– a falling out with a long time friend, a miscarriage, a job I wasn’t meant to excel at and was more like hired therapist, a loss of a contract overseas to the EAU– and most devastating of all– our family life was chaos and a severe depression that may ended in losing my son, marriage, and life.

The best marriages can attain the height of the summit and of Mount Maslo. And then become flexible enough when expectations fall through.

-Eli J. Finkel, The All or Nothing Marriage: How The Best Marriages Work

After a summer apart to recover– and daily living with the unknown of what our small families future hold–if anything at all. And working part-time at local grocery store. I decided to retreat, recover, rest, and read.

That summer of reading pretty much 3 to 5 books on audio over and over again. Opened my mind and eyes to a new perspective. One of which was understanding how my husband thinks, feels and operates. It gave invaluable insight to his world and his drive. While simultaneously keeping me aware of how responsible I am for my own happiness despite the challenges beset before me. Whether I created them or they were there all along awaiting to be unleashed. I started blogging for a few years ago and then life got busy– yet in that time I found these amazing bloggers who had post pardum psychosis resulting bipolar, The Birth of New Brain Blog and ThisIsMyBrave became great resources for living life as a mom with uncommon challenges. Both women are strong fiercely stepping into mental illness with different ways to share their journey and story.

Today the gist of this post is really that while a few weeks post miscarraige…I had the opportunity to experience a holistic treatment called NET (Neurological Emotional Technique) which combines psychology, acupuncture, meridian/energy work. Energy work. Which may freak some people out especially from a tradittional medicine perspective.

The contraversy with stepping outside of traditional medicine is that, up to this point it is widely accepeted as the only way to treat a psychological abnormality. Yet this picture describes what my life looked like.


Pills.

Which severely effected my body and may have causeed more pyschological damage. Since the side effects warning labels say they can cause more mental illness. And after living with a series of pill related side effects… high cholestoral, weight-gain, chronic fatigue, hypothyroidsim, and pre-diabetic symptoms.

I just was over it. It didn’t feel like living. I was more a void, so everyone else could be at ease.

Being able to recieve incredible the insight I gained from the NET experience. And as I talked with my friend over a series of theraputic appointments–she said something powerful to me. That the unconscious mind or as Deepok Chopra would say can also be called our soul– or our spirit,  lay our dreams and writing early in the morning can help start the day. That writing can help us understand the unconcious and tap into things we didn’t know we knew.  The call to write was ever tugging at me the summer before Chewy and I took a “break.” After a summer of working, work outs ad reading or listening like an addict (mostly business mindset books–and finishing the summer with Grant Cardone’s 10 X Rule). It seemed that writing was a way to find my voice and that many experts utilized writing as go to for creating a life change.

Chewy was teasing me today at lunch when I said I felt like I needed to blog and write more.

This past year we’ve been side tracked and busy building his business, attempting to run an at home business of which I was profusely sweating through daily. And when I mean sweating–yes the real deal drenched, pregnant, and post pregnant. Hormones and all. It was very pretty. Anxiety alert! It just wasn’t happening and well we had another baby… raising a tiny human and re-learning all the baby routine (which we have loved her more than words can describe). Its like forcing in reality.

Back to today, he jokingly said, “Call it the Be Happy Blog.” Every time he suggests something to me–anxiously and fearfully my first reaction is NO!!!!! What would I do with a happy blog? Well after pondering it more maybe it could work as a how to– cause Lord knows somedays aren’t as thrilling to wake up to.

One of the purposes of this blog,  is to write my experience with living with long term a diagnosis of bipolar disorder (which has been a source of lots of adjustments as well as questioning) , mothering, and giving lifestyle tips on what works for certain things related to healing. I’ve tried a myriad of holistic remedies, workouts, spiritual practices, mindset books, and diets. It’s not a cure-all at all but more of ways to be a test dummy on what is working and what isn’t.

natural remedies

It’s also a place to reflect, ponder, look for the silver lining and create stillness. Peace practicing is where my spirit longs to be. Hoping this can be one outlet for creating that space and that it can help others out there who have a lot of questions. This week I’m mostly scared–and stepping into the unknown. Ill be going up to Seattle to have a neurological brain scan at the Amen Clinics. They can scan live functional movement of a calm brain vs. an active brain. They’ll be able to see clearly whats deficient and a new diagnoses if necessary–offer medication, supplements, and some work out routines that would best support my specific brain. It has a holistic element to it and Amen Clinics work with the Carrick Institute for Functional Neurology and we have had first hand reviews from some of our peers. Scientifically speaking it sounds fascinating!!!  Being the person in the scan feels scary, real and so final. Yet I’ve experienced so much more results and quality of life changes for the better since being open to non-traditional or alternative therapies. (for results on this scan read here.

Feeling hopefully–and am truthfully relying on my faith in the Savior’s grace–that no matter what is found or not found, He’ll be there. And it will be okay.

This past month has stretched me and everyone around me to support me through. I’ve been un-medicated for nearly two years and have had a lot of lessons learned and struggles–yet a lot of grace and many blessings. Sometimes the symptoms are incredibly real and taxing. I do not doubt the love of my spouse, family or friends. Despite my mind which tells me otherwise daily.

They are the real ones to accredit for why I’m here.

Their support is everythimg and they have always been solid.  It’s a literal battle. Here’s to going head on (punny) and believing there’s a larger purpose for all this process.

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